It Is Worth It All.

Evenings always seem like the most difficult time of day to quiet my mind. The thoughts in my head run circles, creating a twister of emotion that becomes overwhelming at times.

I have spent many late nights lying on the floor of my room, staring into the blackness, pouring my heart out to the One who's always listening.

I love those moments.

Where the darkness makes the mess and the clutter disappear.
When I can be alone with my God.
When I can be still and listen.
When I can talk to my Savior.
About my hopes and desires, my fears and struggles.
And there I always find peace. Rest. Comfort in Him.

This is where I found myself last night.
Overcome by an overwhelming feeling...a feeling of longing.
A longing for something more.
A longing for a bigger purpose.
A longing to make a lasting impact.
A longing to know where I'm headed.

As always it feels like all this and more, bubbling up within me and then spilling over, streaming down my face in tears.
But amid all the emotions, I do know this.
I am here to serve my God.
Wherever He has me, in whatever I'm doing.
And above all else, my deepest longing is to be completely satisfied in Him.
I may feel like something is missing right now, but I know that He isn't finished with me yet.

"For I am confident of this very thing, 

that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus."

Philippians 1:6

Slowly God is putting together the pieces to my story.
I'm walking a path not knowing the destination, but I'm not lost.
God is guiding me, lighting my path one portion at a time.
Little by little, in His timing, He is revealing His plan for my life.
And here I am, waiting.
Not always patiently, as I should, but waiting nonetheless.
It is hard. So hard.

There I lay in the dark, pouring out my heart to God.
He floods my mind with His Words and washes out my doubts and fears.
And He fills me with His peace. His peace which surpasses all comprehension.

"...in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving 

let your requests be made known to God. 

And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, 

will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 4:6-7

I am reminded for the millionth time, God is sovereign, He is in control, He knows exactly where I'm headed and when I'm going to arrive there, and it's better than anything I could ever dream or hope for.

I rest in Him. I trust in Him. I find comfort in Him.

And this phrase keeps running through my head.

It is worth it all.

The trusting.
The waiting.
It's not in vain.
His timing is perfect.

In all this I know, it is worth it all.