Reflections.

As this past year has come to a close, I'm left amazed at the grace & mercy of my Savior. I've never really taken the time to reflect as I have this year.
The reality that God chose to send the Way that I may have Life and spend eternity with Him, it's an indescribable gift that leaves me speechless & in awe. 

His grace that He has chosen to save me. His mercy in giving me another year on this earth. I cannot take for granted this amazing truth and unbelievable sacrifice.

2017 is a year that I wouldn't want to repeat, but one that has changed me & grown me in ways I never would've imagined. Good and bad, the events of this year are part of who I am today.

The start of the year meant adjusting to life in the States again. Accepting the change that inevitably happens over time & the reality that life continues on even when you're not physically present.

My summer was spent away from home as I had the opportunity to do something I've always wanted, to be a camp counselor. I expected this opportunity to be a great growing experience and stretch me outside of my comfort zone. But to say that this summer challenged me feels like a giant understatement. This was one of the hardest summers of my life. And of all the experiences of this past year, camp & other events of this summer are what changed me the most as I dealt with loneliness, disappointment, discouragement, my selfishness & pride. Crazy doesn't quite explain this summer, but I'm grateful to the Lord for using it all to reveal more of my weaknesses in order to make me stronger. Through the struggles I learned more and more to rely on the Lord and trust Him with all aspects of my life. It's so easy for me to try to control my life, but it doesn't take long for me to remember that I cannot do this on my own. And I experienced this especially this summer as I was reminded in a new way that I cannot change people. I had plans, expectations. I wanted to make an impact in the life of every girl in my cabin, and in the end I believe they had a bigger impact in my life than I had in theirs. I was reminded that I can make plans, but it is Lord who holds it all in His hands. I was reminded that I can speak the gospel & His truths, I can love & invest, but I cannot change situations and more importantly I cannot change hearts. Only He can. And when my heart was breaking for the broken, the lost, the hurting, all I could do was pray and entrust it all to Him. 

This is a short glimpse at the many things that challenged me, and it was certainly a huge part of my growth this year. 

Learning to cry out to the Lord. To run to Him. In my weakness, in my tears, in my own brokenness. 

It is a lesson I continued to learn as the year went on, as it came to an end, and will continue learning in 2018. It's not easy to let go of control. It's not easy to accept change, or deal with unmet expectations. 

Until heaven, I am a work in progress, and I'm so thankful for a gracious & faithful God who never gives up on me, but continues to work in my life and sanctify me in whatever ways He sees best. And because of that truth, despite the trials and struggles we will inevitably walk through, I feel like I can be excited about this year. I can be excited about the coming years. I'm not betting on it being easy. It's gonna be crazy hard. But I know that because He is with me through it all, I will make it through whatever may come.

So with excitement and anticipation I welcome 2018 & everything it holds. 

Here's to another year of growing in faith and trusting the Lord. 

Soli Deo Gloria.